Sorry, this is a bit short, but I didn’t have much time for writing today. I saw your messages, but I can’t answer right now, I’m in a hurry. Hope you’re all having a great day :*
The following week just flew by. I had a bunch of stuff to do for college, but I managed to get everything done in time and I had some luck, so I passed all of the exams, and I could enjoy my time off. Niall passed the exams as well, he got a B on that essay and he was told his scholarship would be renewed, and I was pretty happy about it because it meant a lot to him. Instead of leaving on Friday, which was the last working day of the semester, he decided to gome home on Monday, and asked me to come stay with him for those three days. At first, I was surprised to hear that because I thought he’d be ecstatic to finally get to go home after being away from his family for so long. I know I’d be thrilled to see my family after four months. That intrigued me until I remembered that he had some bad memories and that he didn’t really like his hometown that much, in fact, he liked the town, he just didn’t like the people there. I was supposed to move in with Ginny right after the semester’s over, but I accepted Niall’s offer instead. When he leaves for Mullingar, I’d have a lot of time on my hands for moving in with her.
Niall was so happy to hear that I wanted to spend time with him, that it made me happy. We started talking every day after we hooked up at the party. We didn’t have much time for talking in college, but every night around ten, he’d call me just to see what’s up and we’d talk about random stuff. Sometimes, we’d talk for five minutes and sometimes it turned into an hour. He was a cute kid, and it was nice of him to call me just to talk to me, it was nice knowing there was someone out there who actually thought about me and wanted to hear my voice. The thing is, I got used to talking to him and I’d wait for his call around ten, even if he didn’t tell me he’d call and that kind of freaked me out. He was about to leave and we’d spend three weeks apart. Holidays are the best season for getting drunk and hook up with random people, there are people everywhere and everyone’s happy, so it’s really fun to go out. I was just scared that Niall wouldn’t want to go out because of me, like he wouldn’t want to have fun without me, and he wouldn’t want to hook up with someone else because he knew he was coming back on a scholarship again.
When I told Ginny I’d be spending the weekend with him, she was surprised, but then she started teasing me about it, she thought it was funny that I said I didn’t care about him at all and then I used every chance I could to be near him. I didn’t care, I just really wanted to spend some time with him. -You’re so late, I ate so fucking much while I waited.-he opened the door for me with his mouth full of food he apparently made for us.
I was skeptic when he said he’d make dinner for us on Friday, but he insisted. I figured if he fucked it up, we could always order in and if cooking for him, makes him happy, I’d let him have it. I walked past him into his flat and the food actually smelled good. I told him that and he grinned, hugging me from behind.
-What are you doing?-I just froze there with the bags in my hands because I wasn’t really expecting a hug of that kind.
He just pressed me against his body and kissed the crook of my neck before resting his head in it.
-Nothing, just put those bags down.
He moved his hands across mine down to my palms and then he just took the bags and let them fall to the floor before taking my palms into his and wrapping his arms, mine following, around me and kissing my cheek.
-You smell really good.-he mumbled.-And I’m so glad you’re here.
I just laughed and rested my head on his shoulder. If he was happy with this, then I should let him have it. We stayed like that for a while, just hugging and it felt good, but then he spun me around and kissed me slowly.
-You hungry?-he asked and I nodded.-Dinner’s ready.
We sat down to eat and I must admit I was wrong, he was a good cook. He laughed when I told him that, saying he only knows how to cook about three meals. I helped him wash the dishes and when we were done, he suggested we watch the Christmas movie marathon, so we did. It was actually a tradition in my family to watch movies like Home Alone together every year and I loved doing it. We sat on the sofa and Niall brought out a blanket and he wrapped it around both of us. Our legs were tangled and I couldn’t move them because Niall’s legs were too heavy, but I didn’t mind. He kept me warm, and I liked it.
-Are you excited? You’re going home in three days, you’re gonna see your family and your friends.-I asked during the commercial break, but he didn’t show any signs of excitement.
-Not really.-he shrugged and pretended he’s paying attention to the TV, when he clearly wasn’t. -Why not?-I asked, but then I realized it was none of my business.-Sorry, I’m just curious, you don’t have to answer.
-Nah, it’s okay, I just, I told you I don’t really like the place.-he shook his head.-I have a lot more fun with you guys here than back home.
-But you’re gonna see your friends there.-I smiled, trying to get him to see the good side of things. -You’re right.-he nodded.-My two best friends are there, and they’re both in college in different cities, but they’re gonna be there for the holidays.
-Well see? You’re gonna see them, that’s gonna be fun, you guys are gonna go out together and have fun, you won’t even want to come back.-I laughed.
-You know that’s not true.-he messed my hair up because he patted it roughly on purpose, like he always did to annoy me.-I wanna come back to see you.
-Keep messing up my hair and that’s not gonna happen.-I teased and he laughed.-But no, really, you’re gonna have a great time back home, like you’re supposed to. You’re 19, live a little.
-What do you mean by ‘live a little’?-he stopped laughing and asked in a serious tone.
-Do everything you want to do when you’re back home. That’s what I mean.
I decided that being straightforward is the best thing I could do. I didn’t want him to go home and sit on the side while his friends hook up with girls, I wanted him to really live a little. Before we met, he was shy, he didn’t make moves on girls, he said it himself, and now was the right time for him to do it. If he thought I’d have a problem with that, he wouldn’t do it, I knew that, and then he’d probably regret it in a few years. I know people who were in long relationships back in high-school and first couple of years of college and then when they broke up, they were lost, they didn’t know what to do and how to get back in the game and they felt the need to do that because they were with one person for too long. I didn’t want that to happen to Niall.
-You know what I want and what I don’t.-he said seriously and I just nodded.
-Don’t get upset about it, hey, I just said that.-I shrugged.-Like I don’t want you not to have fun, okay?
-Are you saying that because of me or because of you?
-What do you mean?
-Do you wanna have fun while I’m away so you’re saying that to get me off your back, is that it?-he looked really upset with me.
I didn’t know the answer to that, honestly. I thought he was great, I had fun with him, but I didn’t really know how to answer that. I couldn’t really say that I’d turn someone amazing down if I met him during the holidays, I couldn’t. I couldn’t say I wouldn’t either.
-It’s not, I don’t know, Niall. We’re not together, are we? So where’s the problem? I just don’t want you to feel like I’d mind, that’s all.-I shook my head at him.
-So you wouldn’t mind? If I got with someone else, that is.
-I don’t know.-I looked down.-Listen, forget it, let’s just watch the movie.
-Fine.-he snapped at me.
The next ten minutes, nobody said anything. We were both upset with each other, but we didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, I knew he was upset about me saying that, but I couldn’t change my mind about it. I didn’t want him not to do anything with anyone else when I couldn’t promise him anything.
-So, we’re not even gonna discuss it?-he was the first to speak.
-What’s there to discuss? Just do whatever you want, that’s what I’m saying. -How the hell can you think that way? -I can, I am a bad person, I don’t give a fuck, I just don’t want to feel guilty about this once it’s over, okay?
-This is not what I expected it to be.
-Oh really, and what did you expect, Niall? You wanted us to be together?
-Yes.-he looked at me as if I was talking nonsense.-What else do you think I wanted?
-Do you really think we could work out and have as real relationship? Come on.
-You see, that’s the problem.-he pointed his finger at me.-The way you treat me, it’s like I’m a kid. I’m not a kid, okay? You don’t have to take care of me and act like I’m an idiot. I’m not, I know what I’m getting myself into. I don’t need any kind of special treatment from you, alright?
-So you want me to treat you the way I treat other men?-I cocked an eyebrow up and he nodded.-Well, that’s just not possible because if you were anybody else, I wouldn’t be here with you, there’s no way I’d spend a weekend with any of them.
A smile ran across his face for a second, and he tried to contain it, thinking I didn’t notice, but I did.
-That’s gotta mean something.-he told me.-You can’t tell me it doesn’t!
-It does.-I replied.
Shit, I was so upset with myself because I let him caught me in my own web. I tried to work my way out of that talk, but somehow he managed to get me to talk about it and I really didn’t want that.
-It does? And where’s the problem then?
-I don’t know, Niall.-I felt like an idiot for saying that, but I really didn’t.
I never know what my problem is and I didn’t have a problem with him, but promising him that I won’t hook up with anyone else would only get me to want that to happen. I was fine the way I was, I didn’t want to complicate things, we were having far and I wanted it to stay that way for at least a while.
He didn’t get mad at me for not having an answer for him, instead he pulled me in for a kiss. Niall cupped my cheeks and pressed his lips softly against mine for a couple of second and then he smiled before kissing me again, this time applying more pressure.
-If we don’t have a problem, we don’t. Stop trying to find something wrong.-he rubbed my cheek with his thumb.-We’re doing fine, at least I feel that way.
I nodded and sighed.
-I know I am.-he grinned.-Listen, what happens, happens, we can’t plan anything. But I just want you to know that I know my limits when it comes to everything, and I won’t do anything that I think would be wrong.
-But that’s the thing, you think everything’s wrong and you won’t have any fun because of me, are you sure about what you’re about to do?
-Why would I even want to do that? I have enough fun with you, you’re amazing, I don’t want to ruin that by hooking up with someone I don’t give a fuck about because that wouldn’t mean anything to me.-he shrugged.-It’s better to do it with you, because it’s you.
-Oh fuck you.-I whined.-Now I’ll feel bad if I even look at someone else.
-That was kind of my intention.-he laughed and poked my ribs.-No, really, do what you want, I can’t tell you to stop, I know you won’t listen to me if you really wanted someone.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and focused on the TV again and I felt about it. He was so good towards me, he treated me nice, he was really good looking and all he wanted of me was not to hook up with anyone and I couldn’t even promise that. What the hell is wrong with me? And he knew it, he knew that I wouldn’t listen if he told me not to. But the worst thing was probably that he thought about me wanting someone else, and he didn’t complain about it. He probably felt awful because of it, because he doesn’t want anyone else and I felt like shit. I didn’t really want anyone else, if I did hook up with someone, it would be solely for the sex, and with him, it’s not like that anymore. At first it was hot, no one knew about us, but as I get to know him more, I like him more. He’s a great guy, I can’t find anything to complain about when it comes to him.
-Nah, I don’t think that will happen.-I pecked his cheek and rested my head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of my head.
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